G is for Guilt

Guilt pisses me off.

I’m not talking about the kind of guilt you feel when you do something truly horrible, like accidentally reducing a raccoon minding it’s own business in the middle of a lonely two lane road to fuzzy mush. You should feel guilty for that, murderer. I’m talking about letting feelings of inadequacy sneak into your heart and berate you mercilessly for even thinking about a delicious, mouth-watering fudge covered Oreo. Why do we do it? What purpose does guilt serve? Not a damn thing, as far as I’m concerned.

Guilt is a completely useless emotion. It doesn’t stop me from stuffing that delectable morsel of chocolate nirvana into my cakehole. It doesn’t magically make that 2,000,000 calorie tidbit disappear into a puff of heavenly smelling cocoa-licious smoke. It doesn’t make a bit of difference the next time I’m faced with the same choice of whether or not to consume that miniature chocolate hockey puck of life. It’s gonna happen. Count on it.

So why the guilt? Everything is a choice. Make your choice and move on. No regrets. Life is too short to deny yourself a little pleasure now and then, especially after all the hard work you do every single day. Celebrate your victories, learn from your defeats, and have a cookie, for Pete’s sake!