Much to the chagrin of Juan Ponce de León, it seems that the Fountain of Youth not only exists, but it has been here in America all along, quietly seeping into the drinking water of the population like toxic KoolAid.  That’s my only plausible explanation for how we’ve become a nation of 5-year-olds without parental supervision.  “Are not!” you may say, to which I would reply, “Are too!” and provide the following evidence of the frightening regression of our collective behavio